Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Underwear Built for Two

This evening I have been entertaining myself by looking at hilarious items for sale on the intrawebz. I can not stop laughing. I can not reveal to you my sources, because I plan to spread them out. (That's what she said.)

So I was looking at Fundies (the underwear built for two) on Amazon when my eye was drawn to the "Customers who bought this item also purchased" area. There I encountered hilariosity.

The items ranged from things that obviously went with the Fundies purchase to things that disturbed me. I could not stop thinking that these items would be used in sex play...but how?

Allow me to explain:

Sex Dice
Condom Variety Pack
Sexy Board Games
Blindfold
Sex Scratchers: 100 Sexy Lottery Tickets
Furry Metal Handcuffs
Books like Tickle His Pickle and The Low Down on Going Down
satin sheets
various "massagers"

so far pretty normal items to go with Fundies


towels (hmm)
2G SD cards

getting a little more interesting


then come the head-scratcher movie selections

Seven (sexy how?)
Supertroopers (Who wants a mustache ride?)
Footloose (this was particularly confusing to me until I remembered the abnormal hugeness of Kevin Bacon's dong. Coincidence?)


now it gets weird

Fart Pen: Pull the finger for fart noise (a real turn-on)
Slingshot Flying Monkey with scream sound (I'm not sure what to say about this)
Caphalon Contemporary Non-stick 10-inch omelette pan (for spanking, surely)


Then it just turns sick with:

Leapfrog Counting Maracas

I don't want to even speculate on how those maracas were put into use.


Methinks this checking out what people also bought will be a fun new pastime of mine!


But I almost forgot one of my favorite parts: If you buy the Fundies, you can get a FREE 10x magnification mirror WITH suction cup! Just allow your imagination to run free with that situation. Yuck.


P.S. When I went back to get the link it had different and mostly not as funny "things people also viewed"...maybe because I logged out for fear of what Amazon will now recommend to me?? There was one product that scared me: a 1 oz bottle of "Liquid Virgin."

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Honest to Dog

I just woke up from a nap, reached over to the side of my nightstand where I usually keep my glasses, slipped on my sunglasses, stretched, opened my eyes, and thought:

Holy Shit! How late did I sleep?!?!