Here We Go Again

I have been avoiding thinking about resolutions all day long. BUT I get very uptight over any superstitions people tell me about (my friend once gave me a dictionary of superstitions and I pretty much had a panic attack every time I picked it up) I know I need to address them in the next 45 minutes.

I have resolved to lose weight EVERY YEAR of my life that I can remember making resolutions. And here comes the fun part...each December 31st I have been FATTER than the year before save the one year I had lost 64 pounds (which I promptly put back on plus some). I remember seeing a particular number on the scale as a junior and thinking, "If anyone knew I weighed this much I would die." Deep breath before this next sentence...That number was EIGHTY-SIX pounds ago.

I had to stop typing for awhile to digest that.

I am making the resolution again this year. This time because I feel terrible. I can't sit on the floor with Greyson without being uncomfortable. My legs fall asleep all the time and my hands fall asleep at night. I refuse to see anyone I know from more than five years ago. It if seriously fucking up my sex life not to want to be touched at all.

Yes, I eat when I am depressed. But I also just like the way food tastes, goddamn it. How am I supposed to change that? Teach my body not to love cheeseburgers? It can't be done. My plan is to eat those food faaaaar less often and it reasonable portions.

Okay, enough of this - but I am entering two weight loss challenges that start next week and if I WIN both of them I will rake in almost $2000. That is some serious incentive. So I expect you guys to help me as friends. By that I mean if you offer me bad food I will poke you in the eye.

I also resolve to have more sex. I know you really wanted to know that, but I am serious! It puts a strain on my marriage when it never happens. I even got Tim a "sex" page-a-day calendar but unfortunately it turned out to be more of a gag thing than a real one.

I resolve to attempt to look a little nicer for my own sake. In addition to being a fatass, whatever hormonal issue is causing my hair to fall out is also causing acne and a fucking mustache. I seriously must have been a bitch in another life. So when I get disgusted with myself it gets even worse because I don't have anything to wear and then why should I shave my legs and maybe I won't go out after all and so on. Although I'm not really talking about makeup specifically, I will try to cute it up a little bit more and see if it makes me feel better.

I resolve to be less negative. I guess a start would be saying that I resolve to be more positive. When I get really pissed off or worked up I get this nasty feeling. There is one person in my life that pisses me off so badly that I get a sort of rash and a really red face and I get hot and I get heartburn and I can literally feel yuckiness flowing through my veins when I get worked up over her insanity. My blood pressure is up just typing that. I do NOT like that feeling. I will attempt to not get worked up about her. Although I can't avoid her totally, I will let her totally fucking craziness (No! Stop.stop.) roll off of me. Because who cares. Jeez, I got carried away. She was only an example. I will fake it 'til I make it - just like with the sex (boo-yah!). I don't mean faking orgasms- that seems like too much work to me. If you are reading this I am saying now that I do not want you to tell me what someone else said about me. I can not handle it. But this year I will act like nothing that people say bothers me and thus it will not bother me.

I will (again) attempt to not be so messy. Or at least to clean up more. It stresses me out and since Tim is neater than I am I know it drives him crazy. But mostly I don't want G getting used to crap being strewn everywhere. It all comes down to laziness. I am a lazy person. I will work on that this year.

I resolve to work harder to maintain friendships. I reallyreally value the friendships I have but I am terrible about dropping off the face of the earth for awhile and then wondering why so-and-so doesn't love me any more.

I resolve to be wiser with money. We are already off on the right foot today by swallowing our pride and downsizing to a condo in a condo neighborhood full of old people farther away that has no yard for Greyson to play in to save money. It will go straight to credit cards and outstanding medical bills. Our debt causes me so much stress that sometimes I can barely function. Don't want to get into it because I am being positive. This will be the year that we get back on our feet financially.

I feel like instead of an uplifting resolution post this has turned into a pathetic pity party. So I will list my resolutions in a positive way and be done with it with minutes to spare.

1. I resolve to lose weight.
2. I resolve to have more sex.
3. I resolve to take pride in my appearance.
4. I resolve to be more positive.
5. I resolve to clean more often.
6. I resolve to be a good friend.
7. I resolve to be in control of my finances.

2009 will be a good year, I know it.