The Cat is out of the Bag

I have not had an orgasm in 29 days. If this scares or disturbs you in any way I suggest you hit the back button now before I start getting specific.

Last chance.

Okay, let me say this loud and clear: I CAN NOT HAVE AN ORGASM.
I have lost it. The ability, I mean. I knowknowknow it's the Effexor because there I was on day -1, depressed, dirty hair, unshaven legs - but AT LEAST I could have an f'n orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!! After I came down from the pseudo acid trip the meds put me on for the first 3-4 days I was dead below the waist. Now I have never had a super-duper sex drive and I've never been able to achieve with sex alone, but I have NEVER had a problem taking the matter into my own hands. With the help of minimal equipment. N.E.V.E.R.

I am going insane. At first I thought it was temporary, like the tracers. Then I started to get freaked out. I nearly permanently injured myself trying to remedy the situation. I tried sneaking up on it. Nothing for a few days, then WHAMMO! Nothing. Less than nothing. I tried thinking as dirty as possible before going to sleep in the hopes of sexy dreams. No. My nipples may as well be painted on. I might as well use my Brookstone back massager on my BACK, for Christ's sake!

Now I don't want to have anything to do with sex. Nada. Less than zero sex drive. Like I am actually repulsed by thinking about sex. I can't even summon the gusto for a fake sigh, much less a full scale production. Tim is feeling sad and neglected. It doesn't have anything to do with him, though. I am serious, I think it is an actual physical symptom. I think I am in some deep stage of grief for my lost orgasming ability.

I'm feeling blocked in other areas now, too. Blogging, for one. Taking pictures. Remembering things. I overheard someone saying someone else, "Needs to get laid," and I starting giggling maniacally and had to actually restrain myself from turning around and saying, "NO! She doesn't need to get laid, she needs a FUCKING ORGASM!" hahahahahahaha (picture wild-eyed psychotic Melanie here)

But it's only been 29 days on the meds and I haven't been crying as much. Or panicking as much. Or sleeping as much. My hair is clean. Legs...eh, still hairy. But I'll tell you what - this may cause me to go over the edge if it doesn't end soon. So which is more important?

I just got out of the bathtub. The best sensation I've had in a month is the chill I get when I put my head under the bathwater, let my ears fill all the way up with water, and then sit up and let the water drain out. Oh god, it feels so good. If I could get someone to brush my hair right now it might relieve some of the tension. But you could stick a subwoofer in my panties and I wouldn't notice.

Sigh.