Granny

Today at the grocery store a sweet little baby patted me on the back in the checkout line. I turned around to say hi and her mother said, "Oh, sorry! You look just like her grandma from the back."

W.T.F.

Jeez.

Sorry

I have been failing miserably at blogging. I blame it on Facebook. And moving. And work. But now I am back. Do do what? Why, to complain, of course! I swear I will come on here to report happiness, too. Like I am on week 2 of going from walking to jogging! So far I have done very little jogging, but I am taking it superslow in the hopes of avoiding the shin splints that always eventually force me back to walking.

Valentine's Day
I was sososo annoyed with Tim. I mean, I am not a super high maintenance type of girl. I do not need or expect lavish gifts or a big deal to be made on 2-14. However, I do think mentioning the day at all would be nice. Instead, we make it to one o'colckish when he says, "Yeah, so I failed on the Valentine's gift." Blahblah. No, I am not mad about not getting a gift, but honestly - no "Happy Vaentine's Day!" or "I love you?"

Then yes, we have sex. It wasn't bad sex per se, but I am still peeved and that always translates. As he gets up and strolls to the bathroom he utters the words I will leave you with for today:

"Yeah, sorry that didn't work out for you."

Oil and Water

I am listening to Foreskin's Lament while I pack and there have been so many great quotes but not having the actual paper book in my hands is causing me to quickly forget all of them. So I paused it and ran over here to type this gem:

My family and I are like oil and water...if oil made water depressed and angry and want to kill itself.

This is not necessarily true for me and MY family (although they make me want to pull my hair out sometimes), but an argument can be made for this describing my relationship with certain "other" people's parents...

Reverse Sex Appeal

So the other day I was wearing my sports bra (the pullover kind) while I was packing up the house. I kept thinking that I seemed very very boobalicious. Even the iPod I usually dropped into the abyss of my cleavage when I didn't have pockets was softly nestled between jiggly boobies. All day long I was pouring forth from the bra...I literally had to scoop them back in (I now scoop as opposed to the way I used to just sort of place the bra over the boobs). I showed Tim and then had to endure him sneaking up on me all day while I had my headphones on and poking me in the butt. When I was finally getting undressed to shower that night I checked it out one last time in the mirror. Damn! How did I ever work out in this? Then I found out the answer: I had the bra on backwards. All day. Because I am a genius.

Too Much Health

Is it possible to make yourself sick being too healthy? Apparently.

I was so good the last 2 days - exercising, eating well, vitamins, B12, honey...and today is day THREE off of Diet Coke. I still have the withdrawal headache.

Yesterday my friend and library co-conspirator ML brought her juicer to school so we could try to have a fresh juice pick-me-up when we got tired. So we had Oprah's green drink mid-morning and another veggie fruit juice in the afternoon (everything we could find). They were both not so bad! Until I spent all of yesterday evening puking my guts out.

My body is probably freaking out at the complete 180. But the worst part of it was that the juices look the same coming out as they did going in.

You're welcome.

Rrrrr!

Well, I'm coming here to vent about my husband AGAIN. First let me say that we do not fight all the time, it is just that when we do I feel the need to vent here.

If you have been to our house (any of our houses) you know that we have always had an "office" that has really been Tim's toy room plus a computer. He has all of his toys and posters on the walls and on every available space. That has always been fine with me. But now I am attempting to run a small business in addition to my day job. We have only one computer and for a year I have been working in a space that is literally 4 feet by 4 feet (I measured). So now when we move we are losing the guest room and using the third bedroom as the "office."

Shockingly, I dais that I need more room to work...there isn't even space on the wall here for me to have a calendar. So he agreed that I could add a table to the side. Then today he starts diagramming where my corner will be and where all of his toys, etc. will go. I say that I would like the space on the walls around my "area" and he wants to know why I need it? Why would it matter if his giant Marilyn Manson poster took up the whole freaking wall where I work? Really? I can really not understand how he doesn't understand. So he gives me the whole, "Fine. Do whatever you want. I don't care." Lots of sarcasm and eye-rolling and then shut-down. His typical response to anything. I am so annoyed with the whole production and with the fact that I have to feel guilty about him losing his precious play space ("The ONLY thing I am for," says he.) so that I can have space to sit in front of the computer and work for hours once I get back from job number one where I have been working for 9 hours. I refuse to feel like this is a selfish request.

Rrrr!

Bijini

You know you want a pair.

Wahahahaha!

Here We Go Again

I have been avoiding thinking about resolutions all day long. BUT I get very uptight over any superstitions people tell me about (my friend once gave me a dictionary of superstitions and I pretty much had a panic attack every time I picked it up) I know I need to address them in the next 45 minutes.

I have resolved to lose weight EVERY YEAR of my life that I can remember making resolutions. And here comes the fun part...each December 31st I have been FATTER than the year before save the one year I had lost 64 pounds (which I promptly put back on plus some). I remember seeing a particular number on the scale as a junior and thinking, "If anyone knew I weighed this much I would die." Deep breath before this next sentence...That number was EIGHTY-SIX pounds ago.

I had to stop typing for awhile to digest that.

I am making the resolution again this year. This time because I feel terrible. I can't sit on the floor with Greyson without being uncomfortable. My legs fall asleep all the time and my hands fall asleep at night. I refuse to see anyone I know from more than five years ago. It if seriously fucking up my sex life not to want to be touched at all.

Yes, I eat when I am depressed. But I also just like the way food tastes, goddamn it. How am I supposed to change that? Teach my body not to love cheeseburgers? It can't be done. My plan is to eat those food faaaaar less often and it reasonable portions.

Okay, enough of this - but I am entering two weight loss challenges that start next week and if I WIN both of them I will rake in almost $2000. That is some serious incentive. So I expect you guys to help me as friends. By that I mean if you offer me bad food I will poke you in the eye.

I also resolve to have more sex. I know you really wanted to know that, but I am serious! It puts a strain on my marriage when it never happens. I even got Tim a "sex" page-a-day calendar but unfortunately it turned out to be more of a gag thing than a real one.

I resolve to attempt to look a little nicer for my own sake. In addition to being a fatass, whatever hormonal issue is causing my hair to fall out is also causing acne and a fucking mustache. I seriously must have been a bitch in another life. So when I get disgusted with myself it gets even worse because I don't have anything to wear and then why should I shave my legs and maybe I won't go out after all and so on. Although I'm not really talking about makeup specifically, I will try to cute it up a little bit more and see if it makes me feel better.

I resolve to be less negative. I guess a start would be saying that I resolve to be more positive. When I get really pissed off or worked up I get this nasty feeling. There is one person in my life that pisses me off so badly that I get a sort of rash and a really red face and I get hot and I get heartburn and I can literally feel yuckiness flowing through my veins when I get worked up over her insanity. My blood pressure is up just typing that. I do NOT like that feeling. I will attempt to not get worked up about her. Although I can't avoid her totally, I will let her totally fucking craziness (No! Stop.stop.) roll off of me. Because who cares. Jeez, I got carried away. She was only an example. I will fake it 'til I make it - just like with the sex (boo-yah!). I don't mean faking orgasms- that seems like too much work to me. If you are reading this I am saying now that I do not want you to tell me what someone else said about me. I can not handle it. But this year I will act like nothing that people say bothers me and thus it will not bother me.

I will (again) attempt to not be so messy. Or at least to clean up more. It stresses me out and since Tim is neater than I am I know it drives him crazy. But mostly I don't want G getting used to crap being strewn everywhere. It all comes down to laziness. I am a lazy person. I will work on that this year.

I resolve to work harder to maintain friendships. I reallyreally value the friendships I have but I am terrible about dropping off the face of the earth for awhile and then wondering why so-and-so doesn't love me any more.

I resolve to be wiser with money. We are already off on the right foot today by swallowing our pride and downsizing to a condo in a condo neighborhood full of old people farther away that has no yard for Greyson to play in to save money. It will go straight to credit cards and outstanding medical bills. Our debt causes me so much stress that sometimes I can barely function. Don't want to get into it because I am being positive. This will be the year that we get back on our feet financially.

I feel like instead of an uplifting resolution post this has turned into a pathetic pity party. So I will list my resolutions in a positive way and be done with it with minutes to spare.

1. I resolve to lose weight.
2. I resolve to have more sex.
3. I resolve to take pride in my appearance.
4. I resolve to be more positive.
5. I resolve to clean more often.
6. I resolve to be a good friend.
7. I resolve to be in control of my finances.

2009 will be a good year, I know it.