Doll with a Penis

Greyson has been wanting to diaper his Bevo lately, so I got him this Baby Bottom doll (aptly named style:"White Boy"). He was unimpressed with the little penis, but is obsessively wiping the little brown dot which is apparently an anus. We were delighted to find a little puckered belly button under the shirt. But here are a few things that I can't help but wonder:
1. Why have a penis, a butthole, and a belly button, but no nipples? Seriously?
2. Why pucker the belly button, but not the anus?
Surely other mothers have the same concerns.

We did have an interesting back and forth at storytime:
"Baby penis."
"Yes."
"Greyson penis."
"Yes, Greyson has a penis, too."
"Daddy penis."
"Why yes, you're right - Daddy has a penis, too!"
(By this point I know where we're headed)
"Mommy penis."
"No, Mommy doesn't have a penis."
"Mommy penis?"
"No, only boys have a penis."
"Mommy penis."
"No, Mommy is a girl and Daddy and Greyson are boys. Only boys have a penis."
"Baby penis."
"Yes."

I will chalk that up as healthy mother-son sexuality conversation #3. Yes, we have had the "Mommy hair?" (down there) and the "What's that?" (breasts) conversations many times.

So Greyson had a great time smashing "Baby" into soccer balls, tennis balls, footballs, bouncy balls, basketballs, whiffle balls, etc. Hmm...now that I write that I wonder about the penis-balls connection. But isn't that something all women wonder about at one point or another?

While Greyson plays, I will be over here digging through my Sharpies and pondering. Nipples???? Hmmmmm.....Pink or brown? Pink or brown?

Last(ish) Week

This is the last week of school for students and most teachers. I still have to go next week, but it will be great to actually get something done without being interrupted.

I find that I have so many things I want to blog about now and I am composing sentences in my head while things are actually happening. But then of course I forget what I wanted to say by the time I have time to blog. I need one of those old school dictating machines. I'm seriously thinking about getting one. But do you think it would be weird if you heard someone whispering and giggling to themselves in the dressing room next to you? You technology people probably have fancy things on your phone/organizer/photo album/calendar/video player/toy and yes, I am jealous.

In the meantime, I will try to remember what I wanted to say, but it will be far less witty. Of course, everything is witty when it's inside my head.

G is cutting his molars and with inventory and everything else I am exhusted. My eyelids are actually sticking to my contacts. Everyone seems to think that I am either twitching, about to cry, or wildly attracted to them.

Wolf Lady

Being off the pill has not brought hair back to my head, but it is helping me to bring in a nice beard.

Shake a Leg

So I wake up late and throw on the jeans I wore yesterday. I run out the door to walk to work. About five minutes later, I feel like my jean cuff is caught so I give it a shake. Out comes yesterday's underwear. Classy. Also, it feels a little uncomfortable to have used underwear in your purse at an elementary school.

Idiot

Okay, excuse the minor (major) freakout. Thank god I pulled it together enough to go check everything against the budget we made a few months ago. It just didn't make sense.
Guess WHAT?
I never f'n deposited my paycheck in April.
Responsible, I know...but at least it explains EVERYTHING.
We made this lovely new place to put bills and the check envelope got put in there.
What a freaking idiot. Nothing a few hundred dollars in overdraft fees won't help me remember next time.
What a waste of 4 hours of freaking out and crying...and what a waste of one of my last 3 anxiety pills.
Whew.

I Hate Money

Saw that our account is wildly overdrawn despite no major purchases and the "economic stimulus" check being deposited on the 9th.

We are totally f*cked.

Why can't we do this? I feel like we seriously can not do anything right.

Full on panic attack...shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, dizziness, tunnel vision...had to dig out the dregs of anxiety meds from years ago.

So now on to a fun night of trying to rework our so-called budget and having Tim be mad at me like it is all my fault.

Fighting the Crazies

So I am off the pill.

Before you all freak out - No, I am not trying to get pregnant. At all. In fact, it would be bad if it happened. No amount of scrimping and saving could possibly amount to $1500 a month in childcare.

Anyway, I decided to try life without artificial hormones and see if it makes me less crazy. I've been on them for 9 years except for one month and then for six weeks after G was born. I don't even really know what I'm supposed to feel like, to tell you the truth. Plus I'm hoping my hair will start coming back. Like half of it fell out 6 months after G was born. While it's mostly stopped coming out in chunks, it has not even begun growing back.

It's week three off. I think. Who the hell can keep track without the pack to look at? Jeez.

My body has been going bonkers.
My boobs are hurting - took a pregnancy test.
I am starving, then not hungry at all - took a pregnancy test.
Gas? Must be a baby kicking - took a pregnancy test.

I have not had unprotected sex in the three weeks and I haven't missed a period and I have taken three pregnancy tests. So much for curing me of the crazies.

But if we get right down to the nitty-gritty, there is one big perk:

When we're using condoms, I don't have to get up and run to the bathroom!
Finally, I can be the one to roll over and go straight to sleep!


Hmm...not being too candid I hope???

:)

Annuelle

Holy crap I just saw this video on my Tivoed Oprah and it is so damn timely. Not to mention it made me spit all over my keyboard. No, not spit water all over my keyboard, just spit all over my keyboard.

The only thing about this site is that it never buffers fast enough for the video and it keeps getting stuck. I'm not sure if it will do it when it's embedded, but if this drives you as crazy as it does me, just pause it for a minute to give it time to buffer before you watch.



May cause you to develop a second vagina...HA!

Have I mentioned that Tina Fey is my BFF?

Tina Fey is my BFF.

Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon...

My friend from work's fifth grade daughter started her period for the first time yesterday. Mom was home with a sick younger daughter so Mia (name changed) was up with us in the library after school. After I talked to her mom on the phone, I couldn't help but make a big deal. I waited to see her face when she got back from the nurse before I decided to be silly. She came in carrying her little brown paper sack with her new "lady supplies" and I jumped up and ran over to hug her while shouting, "Welcome to the club!!! You're a woman now!!" She was grinning and giggling and looking at me like I was a total idiot. But she's used to that because her mother and I share the same kind of sense of humor.

I sent her mom this article about how to throw a puberty party. I also sent Mia a "have a happy period" card from always.com. The fact that these are meant in a sincere way is what makes them funny. I heard about these on my friend Bonnie's blog when she posted this rant that made me laugh so hard. I am endlessly amused by myself.

Last night Mia's mom talked to her about periods and PMS and how it makes her mean. Mia said, "That explains a lot, Mom." She also asked her parents, "Since I'm a woman now, can I stay up 'til 11?" Haha! She is so funny! Her mom also quizzed her in the minivan by saying, "Oh Mia, you are so hot! I want to have sex with you so bad." Mia: "No." Mom: "WHAT? I can't HEAR you!" Mia: "NO!" So funny.

Right before I got off the phone with my friend, I said, "You know this means she can get pregnant." She comes right back with, "Listen, I know one of you is driving her home, but if you bring her home knocked up, I'm gonna be pissed."

It is funny to me how much I enjoyed being a part of Mia's little moment...I'm giving her big winks in the hall and she's standing tall.

Aaaaaaa!

Today we had the coolest program at school. I happened to be walking by the cafeteria and heard BEATBOXING!!

I. Love. Beatboxing.

Turns out there was a band playing and talking about rhythm, etc. and they had a guest vocalist who was a beatboxing fool. He did a drum solo with his mouth (haha).
Then they played Cashmere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that song and I was like - how freakin' cool is this?? And the kids were boppin'. I was tempted to get up and dance. They already think I'm weird...what's the harm?

Then I find out that in only the first 10 minutes after the second performance, 2 parents had complained in the office. They complained about the fact that they played LED ZEPPELIN!

I wanted to just pack it up and move away. Or at least run away. Screaming.

What will I do when I am really expected to socialize with these people as a fellow parent? HOW could we ever EVER be friends if they not only disapprove of Led Zeppelin, but go to complain to the OFFICE about it?

I do not fit in.

And thank god I didn't dance.

First Best Shot Monday

Okay, I am going to try to start doing Best Shot Monday. I saw it on my friend Andrea's blog and she does a great job with it. Now Andrea, please tell me what else I am supposed to do besides posting it here and tagging it "Best Shot Monday." I'm clueless! These are my friends William and Virginia. They are so cute. This was taken in a rush in the front yard of the new home they just bought together. It was inspired by a (much better) picture I saw somewhere (but dang it I can't remember where!). I plan on trying this many more times until I get it right. Hopefully Virginia won't see it here since I wanted to give them a print for the new house. If she does it's no biggie, I guess. They are engaged (like you can't tell) and are getting married in Hawaii in June. :)

Charge!

We went through Wendy's which I should not be doing for manymany reasons. When I get to the window, I find that my debit card is missing from my wallet (which dirty jeans pocket is it in?). No cash in there either, so I have to use the credit card.
Declined.
For an $11 charge.
Yes.
So I search in my glovebox and find some cash - enough to pay if I take off the sandwich.
French fries for dinner it is.

Get out!

It has been a hellacious week - I wasn't sleeping or feeling well, busy on pics every night, work is wearing me thin...

I have so many things to post about and it has just been falling through the cracks.

And I have been a terrible friend - not keeping up with people by blog, e-mail, or phone.
B
een doing lots of stress eating and no exercise at ALL for a week.

But it is time to get OUT of this rut!

I'll be posting more tonight and touching base with my blogging friends ASAP...

I'm in Business!

The website is up!

http://www.peacelovejoyphotography.com


I am so pumped, I can not even tell you! This all took me FOREVER.

It never really seemed real until now.

Of course, I just ordered over $300 worth of new equipment. In one hand, out the other...

Yahoo!

You Know You Are Screwed...

...when it's 3:55 in the morning and your toddler is crying. You go into the room to find him standing up in the crib.
"Hi Mommy! All done night-night!"
Shit.