Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Flake

I am really falling off of all kinds of wagons lately. I have plenty of valid (and ridiculous) reasons, but I have just been in my little hole lately. I haven't been doing much blogging or following my peeps' blogs. I plan to catch up on that ASAP. I got an email from Tim's mom asking for recent pics of G and I realized that I have not taken pictures of him in FOREVER. So I'm getting on that this weekend. I miss my mama friends a lot right now. I got to have such a fun time hanging out with everyone so often during the summer that it's been kind of a hard adjustment for me to not see them now :( Basically once I FINALLY get home and get G fed, bathed and bedded, I just want to veg. And now that the new tv season has started, I have the perfect excuse for myself. I am the queen of things getting forgotten and forgotten and forgotten until it's too awkward to do them or respond to them - do you know what I mean? So if I have not emailed you or called you back REMIND ME because I am a flake. And blogging - it could just be that I have not thought about anything interesting at all, but it's more likely that I think of things and then promptly forget them.
BUT I am coming out of my hole as of now, my friends.
And I have Friday, Oct. 10th off....can anyone get a sitter and play hooky with me for lunch and a movie??
Miss you!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

An Important Message...

Okay, so I apologize for the political posts, but I am starting to get a little fired up despite trying to remain calm. But I CAN NOT resist posting this, because it is far more funny than it is political... I f'n LOVE Sarah Silverman.

Yes, I should be picking up my poor neglected child from daycare, but here I am posting this first:

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

And why can't we do this for our redneck grandparents, too? Tim's live in Florida!

YIKES!

I'm sure most of you have already seen this, but yikes!
................................

As former GOP Senator Rick Santorum put it, "Everybody has a McCain story." Over his tenure in Congress, McCain has had angry, expletive-laced exchanges with a number of his colleagues and peers,- both Democrat and Republican alike- many of which have been covered extensively by local Arizona and nationwide news sources. Below are the ten most notable among them.

10. Senator Ted Kennedy - On August 6, 1993, the Boston Globe ran a story detailing a heated verbal exchange between Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy and McCain. Kennedy was at the lectern delivering remarks, when McCain began walking toward him from across the Senate floor, mocking the Massachusetts legislator. McCain shouted at Kennedy to "shut up." A stunned Kennedy fired back at McCain, telling him, "you shut up...and act like a Senator."

9. Democratic Rep. Marty Russo (D-IL) - In its December 1985 issue, Atlantic Monthly described an altercation that took place just a few years after McCain had been elected to the House for the first time. Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) found himself in the crossfire between the two Congressman, who were angrily shouting "seven-letter and twelve-letter" epithets back and forth at one another, when the exchange became violent and they began pushing and shoving one another. The two were separated from their tangle by a few other legislators who were nearby.

8. Former Phoenix Mayor Paul Johnson - Newsmax, the "conservative perspective" political publication run by Chris Ruddy, didn't cut McCain any partisan slack in a July 2006 article, in which it recounted a dust-up between McCain and some local government officials in his home state. Speaking at a luncheon at which McCain was in attendance, former Phoenix Mayor Paul Johnson was among a group of local mayors fielding questions from the Arizona Congressional delegation about local land issues. In the midst of one answer from Johnson, who helmed the city from 1990 to 1994, McCain blurted out, "Hold it a minute. Somebody write down everything this guy has to say. You know what, we need to record him. It's best to get a liar on tape."

Taken aback, Johnson offered the Senator a chance to speak privately, saying, "Senator, if you have a problem with me, why don't we go out in the hallway and talk about it."
McCain fired back: "You're God-damn right I have a problem with you! They've been treating you like a princess in Phoenix while they've been burning me over this damn deal, and I'm sick of it!"

7. Unidentified GOP Senator - Accounts of McCain's outburst at a Senate GOP policy lunch has reached near-epic proportion, having been written about by just about every blog and news site from Newsmax, to DailyKos, to the Huffington Post, to Wonkette, and so on. During a vitriolic exchange between McCain and another unnamed Senator who took a position contrary to that of his colleague from Arizona. McCain became infuriated, jumping from his chair and calling his fellow Republican a "shithead," prompting an immediate demand for an apology. McCain stood up again and issued it...sort of. "Okay, I apologize," he said. "But you're still a shithead."

6. Senator Pete Domenici - Newsweek's February 21, 2000 edition highlighted an exchange between McCain and Republican Senator Pete Domenici of New Mexico, Chairman of the Budget Committee. In staunch disagreement with a particular portion of a budget amendment, McCain exploded. "Only an asshole would put together a budget like that." Domenici, who'd been in the Senate nearly 30 years by that point, gave a restrained reply, noting that even in the most heated debated throughout his entire career, no one had ever used that kind of language toward him. McCain didn't back down. "I wouldn't call you an asshole unless you really were an asshole."

5. Unidentified GOP Senator- In 2006, Ron Kessler of Newsmax wrote that much of McCain's unpopularity in the Senate stems from his 2000 campaign, when the vast majority- in fact, all but four- of his colleagues backed George W. Bush in the GOP primary. One of McCain's top aides recounted a telephone conversation between McCain and another Senator, who was explaining that he'd already committed to supporting Bush. When he finished, McCain bristled. "Fuck you," he said, and hung up, never to speak to him again.

4. Senator Strom Thurmond - In an article titled "Senator Hothead," The Washingtonian recounted one particular encounter between McCain and then-92-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina. McCain was giving an opening statement at a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing when Thurmond, the committee chairman, interrupted to inquire as to whether McCain was finished so that the proceedings could be moved along. McCain glared at Thurmond and thanked him for his "courtesy." McCain later confronted Thurmond on the Senate floor, and a "scuffle" ensued. "The two didn't part friends."

3. Senator Chuck Grassley - The same Newsweek article that outlined McCain's confrontation with Domenici pointed to a similar incident with Republican Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa. The two were debating issues related to soldiers who had been reported Missing In Action in Vietnam. After a blistering commentary by McCain, Grassley took offense. "Are you calling me stupid?" he asked.
McCain didn't miss a beat. "No, I'm calling you a fucking jerk."

2. Senator John Cornyn - On May 18, 2007, The Washington Post reported that McCain had locked horns with another one of his GOP colleagues, this time Senator John Cornyn of Texas. The Comprehensive Immigration Reform Bill of 2007 had caused an enormous rift among Republicans, and the two Senators found themselves on opposite sides. Cornyn objected to a provision of the bill that allowed for what he perceived as too many judicial appeals for illegal immigrants. McCain called his objections "chicken shit" and accused Cornyn of making petty tactics to sabotage the whole bill. Cornyn took immediate offense. "Wait a second here. I've been sitting in here for all these negotiations and you just parachute in here on the last day. You're out of line."
Then McCain, who'd been spending a lot of time away from Washington on his presidential campaign, got a little more out of line. "Fuck you!" he shouted. "I know more about this than anyone in this room!" McCain apologized shortly afterword.

1. His Own Wife, Cindy McCain - In his new book, The Real McCain, Cliff Schecter, a journalist and frequent contributor at the Huffington Post related perhaps the most disturbing of McCain's tirades. During his 2000 White House bid, the Senator was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, his aides, and three journalists who spoke to Schecter on condition of anonymity, but independently confirmed each other's accounts of the incident. Cindy McCain playfully ran her fingers through the Senator's hair and teased, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain reddened and fired back, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollup, you cunt." After he'd cooled down, McCain apologized, saying he'd had a long day.

Monday, September 22, 2008

weird

Am I the only one a little bit disturbed by a children's book called Mother Twaddle? There is just something unsavory about the word "twaddle", no?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Barf.

Greyson tried to drink out of my Diva Cup.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Not So Finances

The thing that really pisses me off (at this moment) is that I have been paying our bills since we started living together NINE YEARS AGO. We have always been living month to month and it has alwaysalways stressed me out. Many times I have tried to talk to Tim about the fact that we need to go to cash only, or no more beer more than once a week, or whatever, and he will never do anything or stick to any budget more than a week. That is not to say that I am far behind with my terrible attitude that it's not FAIR for him to get to spend $60 on a concert and I don't get to do anythink - off to the bookstore!
Well he is on the FIRST MONTH of attempting to pay the bills and is totally pissed off at me because we don't have any money to make it until next Thursday. Because it's all my fault, surely. And I can't count the number of times we have been in this sitation even if I used both hands and feet. But he acts like it is the first time this has ever happened. WHY didn't I pay X bill when it was due? Hmm, could it be because we don't have the f'n money in our account to cover the check? Just paying things blindly results in 10 $40 overdraft charges. Yes, we have no money. Yes, I have been stressing about that for NINE YEARS. One night of knowing that and he's slamming things around and not talking to me.
I hate money.

Monday, September 15, 2008

EEK!

Ick.




:

http://www.manipulator.com

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mr. Mel

I think I am officially the man in our relationship now (except the sex drive thing, of course). Tim has his feelings hurt from lack of sex. He is having body image issues because he thinks I am not attracted to him (wrong). And last night he actually said these words:

"I just want to say that I, like, have been doing a lot of trimming, like, down there, and you haven't even noticed." (Slams bathroom door)

I checked to see if I had grown a penis without noticing, but no.

Hmmm...

On the way home in the car (just Daddy and G):

G: Ouch! My penis!

T: What's the matter with your penis?

G: It's hungry!

T: What does it want to eat?

G: Bagels!

???

Friday, September 12, 2008

Bird Toot!

My designer friend Erika (ooooo, a "designer" friend, la-ti-da!) designed this HI-larious and super-cute shirt:



If you think it's cute too and are into supporting WAHMs, please go to http://www.threadless.com/submission/178065/Bird_Toot and give an awesome rating to the shirt! I know I will...And I might just buy one for my little bird, G. He certainly sings in that style...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Can Not Believe This

But I got in a motherfucking accident. Just a fender-bender, but I am still crying randomly. My car is fine, like two little cuts in the front bumper. I am fine, G is fine. I was stopped at the yield from the northbound access road on 183 to McNeil. The girl in front of me went, I looked over my shoulder and went but the girl had stopped (for fuck knows what reason) about 5 feet in front of me. So I accelerated into her bumper but only for less than a car length. She has a dent in her fender and it looks like it may have come unattached a little on the side. I shit you not she called the police (fine, I've been screwed by assholes before, too), then said she wasn't sure if she hit her head (????) and felt dizzy. She requested an ambulance and the police, fire truck, and ambulance all rushed over and 6 people surrounded her. They simultaneously checked her blood pressure, asked her questions, and did blood sugar tests. I just sat there. The cops even rolled their eyes to me. I'm thinking fucking great. She decided not to go to the hospital, THANK GOD. Leaving I told her I hoped she was okay, and she said, "I don't know."

Now I can't stop getting weepy b/c stupid Tim's parents (who already hate me for every other reason) used their credit to help us get the car and therefore insisted we go on their insurance policy even though I told them we didn't have to. Now they have one more freaking reason to hate me.

And I have to come up with $250.

Fuck it all.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Cat is out of the Bag

I have not had an orgasm in 29 days. If this scares or disturbs you in any way I suggest you hit the back button now before I start getting specific.

Last chance.

Okay, let me say this loud and clear: I CAN NOT HAVE AN ORGASM.
I have lost it. The ability, I mean. I knowknowknow it's the Effexor because there I was on day -1, depressed, dirty hair, unshaven legs - but AT LEAST I could have an f'n orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!! After I came down from the pseudo acid trip the meds put me on for the first 3-4 days I was dead below the waist. Now I have never had a super-duper sex drive and I've never been able to achieve with sex alone, but I have NEVER had a problem taking the matter into my own hands. With the help of minimal equipment. N.E.V.E.R.

I am going insane. At first I thought it was temporary, like the tracers. Then I started to get freaked out. I nearly permanently injured myself trying to remedy the situation. I tried sneaking up on it. Nothing for a few days, then WHAMMO! Nothing. Less than nothing. I tried thinking as dirty as possible before going to sleep in the hopes of sexy dreams. No. My nipples may as well be painted on. I might as well use my Brookstone back massager on my BACK, for Christ's sake!

Now I don't want to have anything to do with sex. Nada. Less than zero sex drive. Like I am actually repulsed by thinking about sex. I can't even summon the gusto for a fake sigh, much less a full scale production. Tim is feeling sad and neglected. It doesn't have anything to do with him, though. I am serious, I think it is an actual physical symptom. I think I am in some deep stage of grief for my lost orgasming ability.

I'm feeling blocked in other areas now, too. Blogging, for one. Taking pictures. Remembering things. I overheard someone saying someone else, "Needs to get laid," and I starting giggling maniacally and had to actually restrain myself from turning around and saying, "NO! She doesn't need to get laid, she needs a FUCKING ORGASM!" hahahahahahaha (picture wild-eyed psychotic Melanie here)

But it's only been 29 days on the meds and I haven't been crying as much. Or panicking as much. Or sleeping as much. My hair is clean. Legs...eh, still hairy. But I'll tell you what - this may cause me to go over the edge if it doesn't end soon. So which is more important?

I just got out of the bathtub. The best sensation I've had in a month is the chill I get when I put my head under the bathwater, let my ears fill all the way up with water, and then sit up and let the water drain out. Oh god, it feels so good. If I could get someone to brush my hair right now it might relieve some of the tension. But you could stick a subwoofer in my panties and I wouldn't notice.

Sigh.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

A Double What Now?

Oh......standard!! That's what it was.



I love you, Jon Stewart.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Lunchtime Conversation

Scene: Teachers Lounge filled with teacher hunched over school lunches and diet sodas

Teacher:...and so I was in the next stall and I could hear the little girl saying, "Mama, why is it so dark down there?" and I am trying not to laugh, but the lady handles it very well and says, you know, "When you get older you will grow hair there, too." and the little girl says, "Uh-uh!"

General laughter from the peanut gallery

Teacher: So then the little girl says, "But so-and-so doesn't have it!" and all that...

More chuckling and head shaking

Me:(blurts out) That's when you say, "That's because your aunt is a SLUT!" HAHA!
Looks around for agreement with idiotic grin

Crickets.

Tumbleweeds.

Finally laughter from the one man in the room.

Jeez.

Gotta learn to control my outbursts.