Can't Help It

Okay ONE more of Mr. T...


And here I must have said, "Okay, now everyone scratch their nose..."


And this one because the kids are doing their own thing and this could be any moment of the day and Micah is looking at Jenni like that...


And what the hell...one more


Jenni, I SWEAR I am almost done! Tomorrow night!!
;)

Word.

A kindergartner said to me this morning with a perfect straight face:
"You have the silly behavior."

Eat Him Up

(Color's a little weird because we were under a red and white umbrella...)

?

I just finished watching Billy Elliott. I've seen it a few times before, but I guess it had been awhile. That movie kills me. I mean, it really does slay me. My eyes are practically swollen shut. I forgot how much I love it.

I get so emotionally involved in movies, some shows, some books. My chest was actually hurting in some parts of this movie. I have been known to go into full-on sobs in movie theaters, on planes, in doctor's offices. After I saw Hotel Rwanda (by myself) I sat in the parking lot and cried for almost an hour. I had to call my mom and have her help me calm down. It was the holiday season and I couldn't listen to the trivial bullshit on the radio for days afterwards.

On the flip side, I have peed in my pants laughing at movies more times than I care to count. People have turned around to stare. I swear I could barely breathe in sitting next to my friend Anj when we saw Pineapple Express. Good thing she is demonstrative too since I kept finding myself smacking her on the arms and legs while laughing.

Not only did I laugh and cry my way through the last Harry Potter, but I also laid in bed and cried afterwards because it was all over. I love Haven Kimmel and her family so much that when I read her stories I feel it like a stone in the pit of my stomach. Davis Sedaris makes me laugh so hard I have dropped not one, but two of his memoirs into my bathtub.

Sometimes I wish I could let things slide a little more - it's only a television show, for Christ's sake! I actually had to stop watching ER because I was crying myself into a headache every freaking week. When I watch 30 Rock or Arrested Development it is so funny to me - SURELY funnier to me than anyone else - so perfectly "my sense of humor" that it seems odd that I am not friends with those people in real life. They would like me! I'm sure of it! What? That's not sad, is it?

Yes, I have an active imagination. I have always gotten so involved in my books that I can't hear or see what's going on around me. Many times I absolutely have no idea if I have seen a movie of a book I have read. I will argue with myself - have I seen it or not? My brain creates such vivid scenes and scenarios when I read a really good book that I honestly am not sure.

Are other people like this, or am I an extreme case?

I went to see Rendition with people from work. I didn't even think it was that great of a movie, but I was so profoundly disturbed by the situation and the fact that it was true that when the lights came up I was sobbing away. None of the other EIGHT ladies were crying. In fact they seemed surprised that I was. Tim rolls his eyes when I come out of the bathtub with a runny nose and swollen eyes where I have been reading Edward's Eyes - a children's book (for god's sake again).

Honestly, however inconvenient - I wouldn't get rid of this strange part of myself. I am sometimes incredulous that other people aren't as moved as I am. I guess this is just a piece of what makes me that nut that I am.

P.S. I have been agonizing over finding the right one word to describe a person who is completely taken in by something. Can you help? Zealot sounds too negative...

Ow!

I think I hurt my shoulder doing the Thriller dance with a class of third graders in the library. Do you think workman's comp covers that?

P.S. Now can you see how the title to this post was really a Michael Jackson exclamation? Had to point that out since I noticed it sounded better in my head. Which is true for pretty much everything.

You Can Hear Her Head Hit the Pole..

In the spirit of entertainment...


You have to listen carefully...make sure no kiddies are around.

Redstache

I went to school on Wednesday with a lip red enough to cause fifth graders on the news crew to talk directly to it. I got to school at 7:05. I waxed my lip at 6:45. It was an emergency session. As I was carrying G out to the car to go to daycare, he started petting my upper lip like it was a small furry pet. We went back inside and I took care of the beast. Sigh.

Lest you think that I am overdoing my descriptions of my battles with hair, I will include a picture of my father. Before you examine the photo know that he is NOT wearing a long-sleeve black shirt.



SEE?!????!!!

And also, gee can you guess what they had been doing?

Won't You Join Me?

Okay, after a rough week of the universe forcing me to acknowledge my fatness, I have decided to try a new approach. This time I am going to work on fitness first and let the food follow. I tend to eat better when I am exercising and I am NOT exercising.

I have a book called Running for Mortals: A commonsense plan for changing your life through running by John "the Penguin" Bingham that lays out a very specific training plan that is intended to take away many of the reasons people get hurt when training or starting to run. For example, I ALWAYS try to do too much, too soon and end up hurt or giving up.

This is a baby-steps program going from just walking to "walk 3; run 2" for the Trail of Lights (or any other local 5k)on/around Dec 13th.

I hope that from there we can set our sights on the Cap 10k (or other) and baby-step our way a little farther.

I am really crossing my fingers that some of you will want to do this. I would like to try to get together when we can to group walk/run if you are in Austin. This will be even easier for some of you who are already excercising at the same times on your own. That way I will HAVE to keep up with the plan or I won't be able to keep up! The best part is that everything is between 30 mins and an hour and can be done with a stroller no sweat! I always played team sports and do much better when a group is involoved. Even if it's nothing more than checking in on the board, it would help.

That means you non-Austinites! We can still help each other over the intrawebz!

I copied down the training plan wth only minor changes because of the closer date (Sirens! Copyright police! Bad librarian.) Let me know if you wanna do it and I'll send you the file.

Please be aware that the Strength section on Thursdays can also be made into a rest day. I combined the 5k program with the weight loss program...

I started it this week just because the first week has no running and I know lots of you are probably walking already. If you don't jump in 'til Wed (for example), it should be no sweat. If you start Tuesday, just walk instead of Strength train that day, kwim?

And for the preggers ladies out there, the book also has a walking-only training program if you prefer. I will post it if you're interested.

If you haven't been to the Trail of Lights (or the 5k specifically), it's really fun and the kiddos love it! It's a new tradition in our little family to do the 5k. And if you're not in Austin, I bet there is a Jingle Bell run or similar December 5k in your area, too! Or just do it to get off your arse...or just to be nice and help me get off of mine while I still have working furniture in my house!

Won't you join me?

Outtakes :)

But these have to be my faves:


Just another opportunity to plot the destruction of that traitor of a mother. Who's with me? Batman? Superman?


Heehee

Hot Mama

How hot is this mama?







Love ya Jenni!
;)

Gorgeous

How freaking cute is this little boy? Not only are his eyes to die for, but I have never seen lips like that on a child. Amazing.

Rock Bottom?

Although I am not any fatter than I was a month ago and am still in fact lighter than I was at this time last year, two things happened in the last two days that suck. Yesterday I jumped on the couch with Greyson and broke it. Really embarrassing for me even though no one saw it but me and G. Then today - the very next day - I learned way over in the office chair and broke the arm right off...it was screwed into the bottom of the chair and thus cracked the whole shit in half. What the hell. Seriously. So yes, universe, I realize I am too fat. Now lay the fuck off.

Craaaazy

I am very pissed at Tim right now. Background: I have had this weird feeling all day and I had convinced myself that I had somehow gotten fiberglass inside of all of my clothes causing me to itch and feel sharp sticks all day long. Then I'm sitting at the computer and I feel like ants are biting me but there aren't any whenever I check. Then Tim says oops I forgot to bring home your Effexor again today. Which means I haven't had it since Sunday morning. I start wondering if hmmm that might have something to do with it since I remember reading about withdrawal symptoms when I was looking up the pseudo acid trip it gave me at first. So I look it up and there is nothing but scary shit out there about stopping Effexor. Especially cold turkey. So then I am starting to panic and I feel nauseated. I want off if this crazy ass shit. But apparently I should do it very very slowly. So I go in to ask Tim can they transfer the prescription tomorrow so I can pick it up at lunch time and take it. He gets all defensive about oh, jeez, I said I'm sorry I forgot and blah blah you are jsut freaking yourself out blah blah. I realize I am freaking myself out. I just said that I feel ants and fiberglass on my whole body. This is not about you forgetting to bring it the fuck home. But I can't even discuss my impending panic attack with him because he is now in full defensive mode. I am so angry because I am feeling freaked out and scared that the other more scary side effects will start before I can take it tomorrow. And I have staff development all day to dwell on it. And now I have to sit here clawing at myself and talking to my computer about it instead of my husband becuase he has "already said sorry." That's lame.
And please don't tell me what the internet says about Effexor, I can not deal.

Pimple

Greyson had a gigantic pimple on his chin. Tim had bad cystic acne as a teenager and is so totally stressed that G is doomed to his genes that he considers this just the beginning. I tried to tell him it is the constant dirt and food and stickiness on his chin, but oh well. Anyhoo it has been ripe for a-poppin' multiple times in its long life (at least a week - I swear!). I tried doing it nonchalantly. Tears and running. I tried strapping him into the carseat, then popping. More tears, with screaming this time. I tried pinning him to the floor with my knees and pulling it off (no squeezing required at this point, I swear!) but other than providing much therapy fodder, it didn't work. Screaming and crying, "No pop it Mommy! I want Daddy!" until I finally felt guilty enough to stop trying. I had to have him put a pirate band-aid on his chin so I could stop fixating on it. I am telling you, it was a whitehead the size of a pea - surely I could just accidentally knock it off while wiping his mouth after dinner? Nope. He was wise to my game. So last night in the car out of the blue:

G: Mommy! No pop my pimple! I got pimple off!
Me: Oh! You got your pimple off? (Brain doing happy dance) Did it hurt?
G: No hurt!
silence
G: I eat it!

I Feel Pretty...

HA! Yeah, right.

I went to bed with SOAKING wet hair last night because there are zero clean towels in the house. I did rub my head with the t-shirt I had just taken off. So when I woke up this morning my hair was literally standing straight up. I never knew hair could actually do that - I have had long hair for so long. Head in the sink before heading off to work, class-E. Result: Frizzball hair and multiple cowlicks.

No clean bras (shocker) so had to wear way too small, no support lace bra that allows my boobage to pour out of the top, bottom, and sides.

I tend to walk hard on my heels which combined with my sad frizzy do and the unfortunate peasant top I selected today caused me to imagine myself as a sad old washerwoman, heavy breasts gently swaying to and fro, hither and yon. Sort of like Charlie's mother in the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka. But boobier and with a hump. And possibly a hairy mole on my cheek. Oh wait, I have one of those already. I can feel my nungas bouncing into my stomach and sadly the sides of my arms as I stomp down the hall. Nipples should not align with elbows. I guess it's time for me to start shopping for a sturdy Playtex eighteen hour typr bra with 16 hooks in the back. And possibly boning. In the meantime I guess I should go home and get my bucket and lye, lift my giant breasts to rest on the washboard, and get to scrubbing those towels and bras.

Epics

I have probably blogged about this before, but when I fall into a lull and it's been awhile without a post, I feel this pressure to post something witty next time. Then I think of a million things I want to say but none of them are witty. So I don't post anything and so on and so forth. So, since this blog is very cathardic for me, I am breaking the seal and hope to post much nonsense in the next few days.
Such as
Why do I enjoy watching religous epic movies so much? I am not religious, not a Christian even, but I have seen all of these movies over and over again. Jesus of Nazaerth, The Robe, King of Kings...I always watch those around Christmas and Easter. Right now I am immersed in The Last Temptation of Christ. Let's go back to my childhood. The obvious answer is Catholic school my whole life. Maybe it's the fact that I know all of these stories backwards and forwards, upside down and inside out. Maybe I just love a good epic movie - that is certainly true. I have a special soft spot for 50s and 60s epic films. I love Cleoparta just as much. I like Egypt movies, Rome ones, too. I watched Rome on HBO and was totally wrapped up. My mom is the same way...I don't know - she may consider herself Christian but she was never religious growing up. But we watched all these together. Watching them doesn't make me want to be a Christian. I just like them.I haven't seen The Nativity Story, but I probably will. I haven't seen The Passion of the Christ and I probably won't. This is essentially a pointless post, but it was just something I was thinking about as I flipped to this movie in the middle and found myself watching again. I wish I could sit and watch all the old movies I love - especially the ones I remember parts of (but not the titles) from when I was little and lying in my mom's bed with her...

Crypt Keeper

I just realized that McCain is the same age as my GRANDMOTHER. My grandmother doesn't even like to DRIVE anymore. She has to be reminded to take her meds. People help her up and down stairs. Holy crap.
Watching the debate now and all McCain's patronizing laughter is making my skin crawl.

Um....me?

I was reading to a class when a kid started rocking and chanting in a scary Exorcist voice, "God have mercy. God have mercy on your sooooouuuuul." And not to be funny.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!