It makes me completely insane when my husband plays the martyr. Yes, he does more than most husbands do around the house, but every stupid thing has to be met with a heavy sigh and eye rolling. You would think that I never contributed anything to the household. He would rather stand at the sink and do the dishes while sighing and stomping around than to let me do them in half an hour (can I sit down for ONE second first?). It lets him be the poor husband who has the lazy wife who does nothing. It makes me SO mad.
So someone called and left a message from our mortgage company. They want us to call back. We are going through a messy situation and possible foreclosure. I do NOT want to call. I have been the one dealing with them this entire time and frankly I can't do it anymore. I do not feel like asking him to make one phone call is the end of the world. But you would certainly think so by the huge argument we had to have over it. I am alwaysalways the one to back down but I was too pissed off to do it this time. So big fight and not talking to each other over one phone call. And who will eventually have to be the one to make peace? You got it. Because I'm the only one who worries about it. This is so stupid but I swear we fight about crap like this more and more lately.
Our evenings consist of him playing video games and me taking a bath and going to bed. Romantic, huh? I am annoyed and depressed about the whole domestic scene.
Sneak Peek of First Look
12 years ago
5 comments:
Arg! I just had this long ol' post and I closed the dang window before I submitted.
As I was saying...
Good topic.
I'm glad you brought this up b/c I'm gonna air some dirty laundry. I sure can't do it on MY blog b/c if my hubby sees it, he'll get his feathers all ruffled and probably pissed, and I also don't want my kids or inlaws to read it. So, I come here!
When my DH and I have our spats, he gives me the silent treatment.
For Days.
And I'm so stubborn, that I do not give in to make peace (if I'm not in the wrong), and often the treatment can go on for days. Until finally, one of us needs to talk to each other.
99.9% of the time, our stress stems from financial hardships.
And when he comes home at the end of the day wiped out from work, he plays the martyr because I'm climbing the walls ready to get out for a MNO, or as he says, "gallivanting the streets".
I sometimes feel he doesn't understand that even though I'm at home, I do 'work', even if it's with a bunch of 2 year olds. I honestly think he thinks I sit at home all day and eat bon-bons while the kiddies entertain themselves and change their own diapers.
But, he sure doesn't complain about the fact that I'm bringing in an income. An income that is paying our mortgage.
*sigh*
Sorry for vomiting marital venting all over your post. I think so many times, everybody pretends everything is always alright, and often, it's not, and it feels good to talk about it, and know that you're not alone.
xo
-A
Thanks for that Andrea, it does feel like you're the only one sometimes, huh?
I HATE the silent treatment. Especially since I know we will have to speak sometime and it will always be ME first!
I agree that they don't think we do anything when we're home with the kids. Yes, I freaking cleaned but it got MESSY again!
Ummm...aside from the silent treatment I could have written this post! I ask for ANY help and I get the I work FT and you only work PT...Daddy's day never ends...I mean, WTF? I am lazy and I know it and have no problems admitting it! I will get to things eventually but I am not going to do it this freakin' second...arghhh!!
I must say however that my husband was quite insightful recently and said he was talking with a friend about this book the friend was reading regarding relationships and he said, "I think I equate love with action (doing things) and you equate love with emotions!"
So I said, "You think I don't love/respect you if I dont fold the laundry, do the dishes, etc. right away??" His answer, "Umm..yeah, kinda!"
I think it helped for me to really see that though and perhaps your hubby is the same way!!
I hear you sisters. I am RIGHT there with you. And @c-man and mama: you need to tell hubby that punching him is an ACTION.
M,
Reading your post reminds me of many entries in my daily journal (Of course, that journal is in my head because the only journal I have time to keep is for Chloe.)
We usually argue about things so inane that I usually don't even remember them after a day or so has passed. And I refuse to "go to bed mad", so I'm often the one to smooth things over. And it gets really old – always being the one to say "I'm sorry."
Just know you are not alone in your thoughts. Hang in there sistah.
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