Today

Didn't want to leave the day with my long rant. So here is what I did about it today: I completed a salsa exercise video and pushed G in the stroller for 45 minutes (got to enjoy the blustery 93 degree cold front!). I ate a normal dinner with Greyson and did not stuff myself. That is today.

Here is my plan for tomorrow:
-I will attempt to eat no more than a palm-size serving of any one thing (What, no entire box of mac and cheese??) unless that thing is a fruit or a vegetable.
-I will try to eat around other people. I do not eat like a human vaccum cleaner in public, around friends, or in front of Greyson or Tim. It is pretty much a solitary activity.
-If I must eat alone, I will not do it in front of any media and I will not read while doing it. This one will be tough as I ALWAYS read while I eat alone. ALWAYS. Hopefully this will help me focus on what I'm doing.
-I will move my ass. At least a 30 minute walk just to get started.

I am so stupidly all or nothing and although that formula has always allowed me to lose weight in the past, it has obviously never worked when it came to keeping it off. But now it is more than just the need to lose weight - I feel bad physically and mentally.

I resolve for the next month to not worry so much about calories, etc. and to focus on not binge eating. I do enjoy good food and when I force myself to give it all up, I end up going nuts and eating way more than I would have in the first place. I will not focus so much on having a kick-ass exercise routine and more about making sure I move every day. Maybe easing in will make it a more realistic change this time.

I hope that this will allow me to feel like I have a little more control in one part of my life.

When I get into this kind of funk I tend to obsess about everything that is wrong with me and my life. I truly truly appreciate all of your support and kind words. I am so lucky to have a support system here in Austin (in less than a year) unlike any I've had before. Don't be offended if I do only talk about this on the blog or through e-mail. It's easier to say what I feel here and I seem to blog in the moment (not sure if that's good). It doesn't mean that I don't love and appreciate you and take what you say to me to heart.

As for Tim...he's not home yet. I don't want it to seem like I don't love Tim because I really do. And I know he loves me - he tells me all the time. This is something I'm not really willing to let slide though. However, I think I will go brush my teeth before he gets home. That way if he brings home ANOTHER six pack, I won't be as tempted to eat an entire bag of chips...because that is what I can control in this equation.

Thanks ladies.