Today

Didn't want to leave the day with my long rant. So here is what I did about it today: I completed a salsa exercise video and pushed G in the stroller for 45 minutes (got to enjoy the blustery 93 degree cold front!). I ate a normal dinner with Greyson and did not stuff myself. That is today.

Here is my plan for tomorrow:
-I will attempt to eat no more than a palm-size serving of any one thing (What, no entire box of mac and cheese??) unless that thing is a fruit or a vegetable.
-I will try to eat around other people. I do not eat like a human vaccum cleaner in public, around friends, or in front of Greyson or Tim. It is pretty much a solitary activity.
-If I must eat alone, I will not do it in front of any media and I will not read while doing it. This one will be tough as I ALWAYS read while I eat alone. ALWAYS. Hopefully this will help me focus on what I'm doing.
-I will move my ass. At least a 30 minute walk just to get started.

I am so stupidly all or nothing and although that formula has always allowed me to lose weight in the past, it has obviously never worked when it came to keeping it off. But now it is more than just the need to lose weight - I feel bad physically and mentally.

I resolve for the next month to not worry so much about calories, etc. and to focus on not binge eating. I do enjoy good food and when I force myself to give it all up, I end up going nuts and eating way more than I would have in the first place. I will not focus so much on having a kick-ass exercise routine and more about making sure I move every day. Maybe easing in will make it a more realistic change this time.

I hope that this will allow me to feel like I have a little more control in one part of my life.

When I get into this kind of funk I tend to obsess about everything that is wrong with me and my life. I truly truly appreciate all of your support and kind words. I am so lucky to have a support system here in Austin (in less than a year) unlike any I've had before. Don't be offended if I do only talk about this on the blog or through e-mail. It's easier to say what I feel here and I seem to blog in the moment (not sure if that's good). It doesn't mean that I don't love and appreciate you and take what you say to me to heart.

As for Tim...he's not home yet. I don't want it to seem like I don't love Tim because I really do. And I know he loves me - he tells me all the time. This is something I'm not really willing to let slide though. However, I think I will go brush my teeth before he gets home. That way if he brings home ANOTHER six pack, I won't be as tempted to eat an entire bag of chips...because that is what I can control in this equation.

Thanks ladies.

Totally F#%*ed Up

I have a long, complicated, fucked-up history with alcohol adn addiction in general. Both of my parents are alcoholics. I have memories of visiting my dad in treatment and all of the groups that followed - Sunshine Kids (I think it was called), Alakids, Alateens, etc.... My mother started out in Al-Anon and then went to AA as well. I basically grew up in and around meetings and that culture. That did not stop me from drinking in excess, especially in high school where I would drink very quickly to get drunk and almost always to the point of passing out. Luckily, I outgrew the worst of it by the time I turned 21 - well by the time I got to college, really. I still enjoy having drinks (and yes - getting a good buzz) when I go out to party or have people over, but I'm not really one to just have drinks in the evening at home.

But my addictive personality reared its head in another way -eating. I quickly gained a LOT of weight and have been up and down ever since. Now I am 70 pounds heavier than my weight entering college (and again in 2004, briefly). I am feeling out of control with my eating. I eat and eat and then hate myself immediately afterwards and wonder why I can't just NOT DO THAT. For example this morning I was feeling tired and ugly and pissed off at myself for being disgusting - so what did I do? I went and bought and ate a whole bag of white donuts. Which (I looked afterwards) was way more calories than I'm supposed to have in a whole day. It's impossible to say what I'm thinking while I'm eating them and as soon as I'm done I want to cry or go to sleep. But even when I am aware that this is how it will end I do not stop doing it. I am embarrassed when I see pictures of myself and embarrassed that this is the only way my new friends know me. That being said, there is almost nothing I dread more than running into someone who knew me as the athletic, active person I once was. I know I should excercise, but then it all seems like too much of an ordeal and I think, "Oh I'm soo tired. It really would do me better to get some rest." And so on and so on ad nauseum. This must really be bothering me, because it's not at all what I originally started this post to say.

Needless to say, I have my issues with addiction.

So let me get back to it. I grew up with parents in AA through college. Now they both drink again, though separately after a nasty divorce. I guess they consider themselves "cured"?? Anyway it is a weird feeling to see either of them drinking.

Now, Tim's family. They drink. A lot. Like every day. Tim's older brother is a practicing alcoholic. Tim diesn't find it out of the ordinary to have beer around all the time. It drives me absolutely insane to have him drink most nights when we're just sitting around the house. I let it eat and eat at me (no pun intended (I say while searching for food)) until I finally said something. I told Tim that I did not have that going on around me all the time growing up and I don't want it to be that way around Greyson, especially if he is succeptable to my family's addictive personality. I point out that he has had beer every night for almost 2 weeks. And he usually finishes a six-pack, so it's not just A beer. And it REALLY bothers me. He has said he honestly doesn't think drinking a six-pack is that big of a deal. I recognize that I may have a warped view, but really? Really? Night after night, and not just at a party? I don't buy that. He says he'll "work on it" and doesn't drink on Saturday. I appreciate the effort. Then he goes out specifically to get a six pack the next night. Why? We're just going to watch a movie. Oh, that calls for beer! Maybe I should ask him to pick me up some white donuts while he's there, huh?

What I don't say if that when he is having his beers and starts sounding buzzed I am annoyed with everything he does and says. I don't find it cute. I don't find it sexy. I don't want to kiss him or cuddle him or smell his breath. I lie in bed wondering if he is starting to give off that horrible sour smell through his pores like his brother or if I'm just imagining it. I wonder if I can let it go, but I don't think so. I start to calculate the cost of all this beer. In the last two weeks, I'd say over $100. And if I'm being honest with myself, I have probably been spending big money on food in the past week since all I've been wanting to do is eat and sleep. I know all of these things are related, and I don't know how they will be resolved. I guess I have to try to figure out what I'm going to do about me and my own out-of-control feelings first. I don't feel like I have a right to complain about excess when I am just as much of a lush, but with food. But it doesn't seem fair that I don't get to feel conflicted about the drinking just because of my own shit. I guess we're both fucked-up but I feel like I have reached the point where I HAVE to work on it and I can't do it by myself.

There. At least I'm still too full to be hungry. But I am sleepy...

Best Shot Monday - Spittin' Image

Takes after his mama.



My real (read: serious) Best Shot of the week (and month) couldn't wait until today and is here

More Best Shots at Mother May I...

Happy Birthday Bonnie

Last Sunday we went for a relaxed birthday celebration for my friend Bonnie. The kiddos stripped down and played in the mud and water while the adults sipped delicious margaritas, munched, and talked. All the husbands actually came and shockingly, they appeared to survive! I think half of us had cameras out :)















More pics on My Flickr
Tanya's Flickr
Andrea's Flickr
and
Bonnie's Flickr
Navigate left on all of these as usual

Bone tired

I apologize for the sudden influx of posts, but I will supposedly get to sleep late tomorrow. I've been wanting to post some things this week but have been really really busy.

I am so tired. I don't know if I am trying to do too much, or if Greyson is just wearing me out, or if I'm just staying up too late. Well, I know I'm staying up too late. But I am freaking worn down. I feel like I look beat, too.

I found out I had hypothroidism almost 2 years ago and haven't had my levels checked in over a year. I think that might be partially to blame. I don't have a doctor here yet (of any kind) and I need to get on it. E-mail me if you have any suggestions.

Yaaaaawn......

But this is my only opportunity to post!

Djembabes

Last week we met up with some friends and their kiddos at Central Market to see and hear the Djembabes, a group of women who drum and sing African music. It was so fun. The music was amazing and we all got into the groove. The kiddos rocked out and the mamas soon followed. Greyson sometimes won't dance out it public, but this time he was really into it! Later Tim took him home so I could stay for the next set. I danced my ass off at that point and I didn't care about what I looked like. I felt good. I was SOAKED in sweat afterwards. Now I totally want to take African dancing in addition to African drumming! It was such a great release. Afterwards I got to hang out and talk to my friend Stephanie. I hadn't really gotten the chance to sit and talk to her one on one without kids before, and I really enjoyed it. This night is another example of what I love about Austin.









**ETA: Forgot to say...More on my Flickr - start here and go left**

Layla

It has become less frequent for me lately that I produce a photograph that I really love. But I really love this one and so I couldn't wait to share it. This is Jenni's beautiful daughter. She is a stunner and I could tell that it would come through on film (file?).

I was not supposed to look at pictures from today until I finish the retirement party, wedding, Djembabes, birthday, and playsilks pictures.

But I could not resist on this one.

A Helluva Good Time

I FINALLY got around to looking at the pictures I took at Game Night last Monday. I hosted a shin-dig at my house for some of my ladies...I guess we had upwards of 15 of us there?

We started out the night with Mad Gad which was hilarious as always. Then on to Cranium Wow which I think is a lot of fun (not sure what everyone else thinks). During the games we had intermissions where we talked about such topics as the sexual organs of our friends that could not be there. Then we decided to come up with our own "Dirty Mad Gab." I don't think I can post what we came up with here in case I should have to register as an X-rated blog. Six or seven pages of the most vulgar shit you can think of! Have I mentioned that I love my mom's group? One mom asked how dirty it could be. I said as dirty as you want it to be mama and let me tell you that she got dirty. I nearly snarfed my delicious rum punch!

Those brave enough to stick around 'til the end stayed well past midnight (gasp!) playing Guitar Hero. I laughed so hard and had such an incredibly good time. In the morning (especially after rereading the Dirty Mad Gad list) I worried that some mamas might have been uncomfortable, but I hope not. More game nights to come!!

Love ya, Mamas!!

Pics where I appear are taken by Donna. More at my Flickr starting here.



















And my new favorite picture of myself (taken by Donna)...

Damn it Oprah!

Why? Why in God's name do I always watch Oprah when I'm on my period??

I'm crying through an episode where children talk about their feelings about their parents' divorces. These kids read letters that they had written to their mother who left them two years ago. They have not seen her since that day and it was freaking heart wrenching. I mean, my parents got divorced when I was already an adult and it still pissed me off.

So I am crying like an idiot and now I have to go get G at daycare. Great. They already think I am dropping him off so I can sit at home and watch Oprah (oops) and now I come in with red, puffy eyes.

And I SWEAR I have been working on pictures the whole time!

Well, not now.

But you know what I mean.

Best Shot Monday - Summer Vibe

Wow, I can't believe I haven't blogged since last Monday. I had Greyson home with me all week and I swear I didn't have a second to myself! Now that he's back at school a couple of days this week, I will have to catch up.

This week's Best Shot for me came when I was holding this sweet baby and chilling out at Central Market listening to awesome African drumming and singing. It was hot, but the sun was starting to go down and I was really feeling the summer vibe. I hate that I chopped his ear, but I was actually shooting with my camera on my shoulder instead of up to my eye. Oh well. Actual summer in Texas may be stifling, but I do still love the idea and feeling of "summer."



P.S. Thanks for the tip on how to get bigger pix Melissa!

Beautiful Bride

This week my Best Shot comes from the wedding I shot on Friday (see description under "Assisting" post!). Whatever issues I had with the way the photography was handles, I thought the wedding was wonderful and the bride was absolutely beautiful. I haven't looked through them all yet, but this one caught my eye as one I really like. Something about her expression and the warmth of the light.

A Bust

Well, Father's Day definitely didn't turn out how I planned. I get overly excited about holidays and birthdays and I almost always feel let down after they're over but this time was really bad.

My idea:
Tim sleeps in
G and I wake him with breakfast and new Guitar Hero
we lounge around in pjs and maybe play some GH
Tim goes to gym
maybe sex during naptime
take some father/son photos with my new backdrop (I'd like one of these for my office)
play outside together
I make a yummy dinner
watch a movie after G goes to sleep?

How it went down:
Tim sleeps in (woohoo-got one right)
We bring in Guitar Hero but T seems unimpressed and goes back to sleep
G and I play
Tim wakes up and goes to the gym
G and I play
Tim hangs up on me for the first time ever b/c I say I can't understand him when he is mumbling on the phone (??)
I go to sleep while Tim gives G lunch and puts him down
I go to the grocery store while Tim and G watch Bambi
Tim and I have some kind of weird argument going on where he thinks I'm yelling at him when really I just thought he was on the other side of the house when I ask for help with groceries
Tim refuses to talk about weird vibe and answers everything with, "Whatever." and "Whatever you say."
I wonder if we have a bigger problem than I thought and start to get a stomach ache
Continue with uncomfortable vibe
Tim gets pissed because the movie he went to see alone was sold out
Tim doesn't eat any of the dinner I make (which is one of his favorites). He's "not hungry."
Tim lays on the couch while G and I eat at the table
We sit in total silence on opposite sides of the living room while G plays for 15 minutes
I get G ready and read him stories while Tim sits in the dark (sleeps?)in the office
Tim puts G to bed while I do dishes
Tim comes out and says he's going to bed at 8:15
He leans over to kiss me, pauses, then kisses my forehead instead
I sit here and wonder what the hell is going on and feel like crying
Oh hey, here it comes

I guess maybe we have a problem that I wasn't aware of?

Happy Father's Day.

Why I Love Austin #1

Just one of the many reasons I love Austin:

Last night I was driving down Guadalupe downtown and I was overtaken by about 50 motorcycles. They came up behind me and flowed around me like a stream. Once they passed me by, I was thinking of how cool that was when I was overtaken by about 20 men on bicycles. With their bodies painted. In only thongs. I had to honk at that! Once I put it all together I laughed at the fact that Austin is so awesome as to have a huge biker rally and a huge gay pride parade on the same day. Then I make my way to the party where I will be taking pictures and as soon as I get there Elvis intro music starts playing and in dances an Elvis impersonator. All this within 15 minutes. I love Austin.

Mad Gab

I am so late posting this, but I wanted to get some pics up...

About a week ago, I went to my friend Tanya's house and did some Mandala coloring and hanging out. I love to color and it was nice to just chill. Then as the night wore on I brought out one of my favorite games...Mad Gab.

So you try to read the phrase on the card and guess what you are actually saying. It helps to read it out loud. Did you give it a shot? The card above says, "Make a suggestion." Trust me, it's fun.
Everyone was laughing so hard, but Stephanie by far took the cake. I was laughing more at her laughing than at the game. It feels good to belly laugh for an hour!


























And Christen closing with a blow job story!

Assisting

I "assisted" at a wedding this evening and it was an interesting experience. Before I start to rail on the BS part of it, let me talk about the positives.

The wedding was so sweet and laid back. The bride was GORGEOUS and very photogenic. She was very funny and silly and open and her groom was very nice. I got to take "getting ready" pictures for a little while and helped shoot the actual ceremony. So yes, I am grateful for the experience and I think I have some photos I will really be proud of (to come later!).

Now...

I started getting an weird feeling about it when the lady who asked me in March to help assist her still hadn't called me to tell me the location, the time, or how much money I would be making by 10:30 TODAY!!! We had to be there at 4. WTH? Then on the phone she said I could "go ahead" and bring my camera. At that point I thought hmmm... Then on the way there she tells me I will be making $100. For 6 hours. Less than I have been charging for a 1-2 hour session fee. But I don't want to be a bitch and I guess I'm in it for the experience, right?

So once we get there we join the girls in their room and since they were not ready for formals I got my camera out and took some getting ready pictures. It was really dark in there, but I think I got some quality shots and I was really getting into a groove.

Then we get ready to take some formals and the light is terrible. I totally did not agree with where she wanted to shoot, but hey...I kept my mouth shut, held the reflector, and made sure we got everything on the list. We go back inside the bride's room and I shoot more hanging out shots. My friendly photographer did not take a single shot other than formals, ceremony, cake cutting, etc. No candids whatsoever. So I assume that's my job. No sweat, that's what I prefer by far. Then she starts looking over my shoulder and telling me what to do. But it's things like that I need to center my image. Which I did not want to do at all. I tried to nicely ignore her, but we have a weird relationship in which I have to brown nose her (it has to do with my day job, but I won't elaborate here), so it's a fine line. Then she starts telling me, "You should open your aperture to about a 3.5 and that will not only let more light in but also cause everything behind her to blur." I smile and nod and am thinking, "No fucking shit," and am already shooting at 1.8 because of the light. Again, it sounds petty, but did she seriously think I didn't know that? I mean I realize I'm not a real pro, but come on.

Then I get to shoot again during the ceremony and I really get into it. I take the very last picture on my card just as they are walking out. I say, "I need to change my CF card." And she says, "Well, I only have 30 more shots and I need another card, so..." (big pause and meaningful look). So I give her my extra card and I don't get to take any more pictures. This ticks me off. I stew on it all through the post-ceremony formals. As we start walking over to the reception, I say, "Well, I guess I need to sit somewhere and delete some shots because I'm out of space." And she has the NERVE to say to me, "You know, you really need to think about the shots you really need and get them right the first time instead of taking so many pictures like you've been doing." Again I nod, but am thinking WHAT?? Yes, I overshoot, but I least I brought 2 2 gig cards to ASSIST at a wedding and you are the photographer and you bring ONE 1 gig card?? And then you counsel me? EYE ROLL. At this point I just have to sigh. So I erase a few and shoot a couple of table shots with my flash, but they suck and I guess I'm not really expected to do it anyway so I get some water and sit.

So I guess I'm not really cut out to be an assistant only (especially not for $100), but I don't think I could shoot a wedding on my own either. Oh well. I did like getting the experience and I really liked shooting the more photojournalistic shots. And I do love weddings.

And P.S. I know I changed tenses about fifteen times, but I am tired and too lazy to fix it...

Overheard in a Target Fitting Room

Bitch #1: Oh Gaaawwd! It doesn't fit!

Bitch #2: Oh no! Why don't you try the zero?

Pause and shuffling:

Bitch #1: Still too big! I HATE all this stretch material - it's alway too big even when you get the smallest size!

Me: (in the next stall squeezing my ass into the largest "stretch" pants available, barely being able to zip them up, and sporting a five inch gap in the waistband above the butt.) (Sweating)

Damn it!

I knew it. I scored as Nerd followed closely by Loser. SCREW YOU!

HAHAHhhaaa!

What High School Stereotype are you? (this one is accurate, unlike others....) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Nerd You're a nerd. And if you answered yeh to the "I will change my stereotype" question, the you deserve this title. Nerd 60% Loser 50% Anti-Social (Punk) 30% Prep 10% Evil Goth 10% Goth 10%

Philosophy Quiz

I saw this quiz on my friend Anj's blog and thought I'd give it a shot, too

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Existentialism Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” “It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” --Jean-Paul Sartre “It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.” --Blaise Pascal More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Existentialism 90% Utilitarianism 75% Hedonism 60% Justice (Fairness) 50% Kantianism 35% Apathy 20% Strong Egoism 20% Nihilism 10% Divine Command 0%

This One Goes Out to Erika

This made me laugh as I was eating lunch at my desk and perusing Etsy:



It's a magnet on sale from seller Mindseyecards

I've always liked the retro pics with the sassy sayings :)

Eyes Wide Shut

This morning I woke up, had sex, and went back to sleep without ever having opened my eyes.
What?!? That's not something to be proud of??

Ouch!

Lately Greyson has been saying his penis hurts when I put on a diaper. I am really not sure what to make of this, not having a penis myself. Is it the way it is positioned in the diaper? Do I push it up? Tuck it down? Off to the side? When he says this, nothing seems to help. It's so hard to tell because he has recently started saying, "Ouch!" for every little thing and I'm not sure when he's actually hurting. I feel awful and like I am damaging his little guy in some way by not getting it in the diaper correctly. Then tonight after multiple tries to get it in a comfy position, he says, "Mommy hurt my penis." Which made me feel terrible. And which is definitely not something you want your child saying at daycare.

Best Shot Monday

Well, I have been failing at BSM becuase I have been so busy there have been weeks where I haven't taken a picture at all! Hopefully I can get pics of Greyson in the next few weeks, but in the meantime: my shot this week is of the Capitol Building in Austin. I shot a birthday party at this location and this weekend I shoot a retirement party at the same place - and this time I'll be taking a tripod instead of balancing my camera on a ledge in the wind!

Oh Hello, Libido!

Okay, yes, I watched the MTV Movie Awards. I was half assed paying attention when Johnny Depp won an award. I have always thought he was H-O-T, but you know - he sort of does the whole unwashed, dirty clothes thing at awards shows.
Not this time.
Oh.
My.
God.
I was giggling like an idiot when he walked out looking so freakin' hot...and I mean so. freaking. hot. Tim was like what the hell but I was salivating, I swear.
This video does not do it justice:

***Update: Well, Mtv is taking down videos really quickly and this is the only one still up. Of course it won't let me embed...***

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A79QDKvzlFI


I don't know why Tim was offended when I told him last night in bed to stop moving around because I was trying to think about Johnny Depp - it will most certainly lead to more sex!

And please, PLEASE, PUL-LEASE, let me have a Johnny Depp sex dream tonight. Please.

Dare I Hope...

Please please let the tides be turning for us.

We have secured a loaner car for a month as of the 11th due to the EXTREME generosity of one of Tim's co-workers. This is the same woman who has given us so much of her son's outgrown clothing that over half of G's wardrobe are gifts from her. I am in awe.

Another of Tim's co-workers lent us almost $600 when our families would and/or could not so that we could close on the house and end that nightmare.

My mother has agreed to help us with used car payments for a year until Tim's payments are done. Then we can pay off the note and pay her back over the following year.

Tim's parents have (supposedly) agreed to co-sign on the used car loan since our credit is in the shitter.

The husband of a woman from school works at a car dealership and will hopefully be helping us find a cheap used car that will actually work for years to come so we will not get screwed over once again.

I just found out that I won a drawing at G's daycare for a full month of daycare!!!!! This one is supremely satisfying b/c it took me FOREVER to fill out the damn Austin Family form and I have been focusing my energy on the box every single day for two months. It should be more than enough to pay Tim's friend back. WootWoot!

I am afraid to let go of my fear and anxiety and I worry that even posting this will cause it all to come to a screeching halt.

But I didn't want you to think it was all a big shit cloud over here at our house...

;)

Feeling the Beat

I started my djembe (African drum) class last night with Come Drum for Fun and it was a very interesting experience. I was feeling pretty nervous and was glad to be sitting in the corner away from most eyes. I found that I did best if I closed my eyes and focused on the beat. As soon as she started shouting out instructions and/or I thought about it too hard, I lost the beat. I will certainly be practicing. My hands are just a teensy bit sore this morning, but nothing too tragic...
It was actually hardest on my back. I know I have terrible posture and I do think about how I need to work on it all the time, but I am too lazy. It hurts to sit up straight! I think I will make working on this one of my goals for the summer.
I tried REALLY hard to keep my vibe positive, but one lady was making me freakin' insane by drumming constantly even while Mae was talking. I needed to listen to the demonstration closely and it really threw me off to have another beat going. I will try not to dwell on it so much next time and hopefully she will not be in the Tuesday class with us once we switch. But I won't have Leah Ann sitting next to me next week to commiserate solely through eyeball movements!
It is DAMN far south - more south even than Southpark Meadows!!!! But with other mamas to carpool with it will be bearable. It will be nice to have hang-out time, even if we have to be driving to have it.
Mae (the instructor) has one of the most amazing trees I have ever seen in her front yard, literally as an entryway. I pledge to take my camera and photograph it sometime. The first time I took a photography class my instructor had to take me aside after a couple of weeks to tell me to stop photographing trees and move on.
Anyhoo, when I stood up at the end, I felt buzzed. Not only were my hands pleasantly throbbing and tingling, but I felt kind of tingly all over. I realized on the way home that it was the first time I have been able to get close to "quieting" my brain (if you call intense focus on a beat quieting 0 which I do). It felt good. I was exhausted afterwards and slept like a baby. Can't wait to do it again.

Sex in the Suburbs

I went with some of my girlies to see Sex in the City at the Alamo. Some of us decided to get dressed up and I gave it a shot.

Looking cute is something that requires far more time and effort than I have the time and effort for.

If Tim had seen me attempting to stuff my fat ass into a pair of Spanks he would never, never want to have sex with me again. Ever. By the time all dimples had been smoothed out and pushed up to an under-bra roll, I was sweaty and red-faced as hell. Sparkly perfumed lotion? Oh, let me just get it all over my hands and then accidentally touch my eyeball! I did eventually succeed in putting on makeup even though I felt a little like a drag queen or a little girl playing dress up.

In the end I did feel pretty...that's the advantage of never wearing makeup -it gives you something easy to do to make yourself feel good. I did not feel cute in my dress, but I decided to go to my happy place...you know - fake it 'til you make it. It worked. I didn't feel too self-conscious other than when my dress kept sticking to my damn Spanks. However, I really don't want to see the pics we took. It's hard to stay in your happy place when you look preggo and you are draggin' a big ass wagon. I did like my shoes and I sort of miss how it feels to wear heels.

I'll tell you that it is freaking depressing to walk around after you have peeled off a pair of Spanks. After being so constricted, I can feel every bounce and ripple. Blech.

So in conclusion - I'm not sure if my self-esteem is quite ready for a dress, but maybe I could try heels and makeup a little more often.

Screw U

Thanks Universe. Couldn't you give us even one day?

Car is dead.

Won't start even after being jumped.

From one financial crisis to another with a mere 7 hours in betweeen.

Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.

Day Off

Here was my plan for my day off:
sleep in
exercise (how sad is it that I can't even spell that on the first try anymore?)
do a little cleaning
go up to school and get a few hours of work done
come home and take a nap
work on pictures

Here is what I have done so far:
slept in
watched 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy
played on the computer
cried
ate a cheeseburger and fries
drank 2 Diet Cokes
ate Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
played more on the computer

I am still in my pajamas and I am in the middle of a 30 Rock marathon.

Sad.

And I predict 2 more Grey's episodes in my immediate future.

But I still plan on taking that nap...so that's one for me.

It's Done

The buyers closed today and the funding has gone through. After 16 months of real estate hell we are done. It was a short sale and the buyers are getting it for $32,000 less than we paid for it in 2004. Nice. I am trying to be happy for them. They are just about to get married...maybe this will be a great start for them.
Anyway I know I should be dancing in the streets but all I feel like doing is going to sleep. Maybe it will take a few days for it to sink in...
but seriously - it's over.

...he can't pull over any farther!

My friend argued tonight that my love for Super Troopers would not stand the test of time. I could not disagree with this more.

He says that it is not nessecarily the genre that makes him say that. He thinks Caddyshack withstands the test of time and I agree with that. But I wholeheartedly believe that I will still laugh my ass of at this movie when I am an old lady.

Exhibit A: I first saw this movie in 2001, where I could not breathe in I was laughing so hard.
Exhibit B: Watching it for the 1000th time, I peed my pants.
Exhibit C: I just watched the firt 6ish minutes on YouTube again (seven years later) and I hit my head on the side of my computer desk.

Yes, if you do not enjoy stoner humor and this genre of movie, you **may** not like this movie AS MUCH as I do. And I have a sneaking suspicion that a few of my new friends may not like it at all. And I will try (really really try) not to let this interfere with our friendships. But I feel like if you do not like Super Troopers, than you will probably not like me, either.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the first 6(ish) minutes of Super Troopers. The best intro to any comedy. Ever. I am not ashamed to say it. I love this movie with all my heart.

The Dude Abides

So I am just chilling out and playing on youtube and imdb and watching stupid videos. I started thinking about my favorite movies of all time. So be prepared for a series of random posts accompanied by videos that I'm sure no one will watch.

One of the big ones is The Big Lebowski. I really do love this movie. If you have not seen it, you need to go out and rent it now. Better yet, come over here and let's watch it together!
I tried and tried to think of which clip I should put on here to best express my love and devotion, but I could not narrow it down. Then I saw the F*cking Short Version and it was a w e s o m e.
If you know the story, you will see that the entire movie can be relayed using only the word "f*ck" and its many flowery variations.
Note: If the F-word offends you....well, maybe you should keep reading this blog...


Fuck!